11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
