but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Sober January is a disaster.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
