peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
