I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
