Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
