i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
