What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
