sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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