how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize
