Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
