I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
