You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
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We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
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I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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