Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
