i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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