I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
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It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
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I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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