btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Randomize
