I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
There's even glitter on my cock...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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