i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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