I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
