her vagine was all disorganized.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
