PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just high enough for therapy.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
