you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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