someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
