Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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