when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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