Already got asked if we're dating
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
