Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
