We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
