Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
sarcasm needs its own font
He passed out mid-signature
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize