he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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