I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
