I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
