Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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