This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
