Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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