is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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