How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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