Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
