dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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