So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
