i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
