Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
