38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
