Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
