Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
