But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
