Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
