just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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