Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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