What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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