Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
