at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
