How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Randomize
