saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize