i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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