I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
