You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running