It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
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Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
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How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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