I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
