Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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