Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
