hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
