Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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