He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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