Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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