i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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