A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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