Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
