hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize