dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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