I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Barsexuality is the new black.
should my penis look like a turkey
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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