Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The beer is more important than you right now.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
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This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
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She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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