I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
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Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
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I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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