You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Sext me about skeletons
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
