I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
