I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
