please come you make the beer taste better
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
